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♪ ♪
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Felix?
3
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Right in here, Oscar.
4
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I've got something
to tell you, baby.
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What do you...
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You got the napkins?
7
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No, I forgot the
napkins. Listen...
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We use the napkins for the game.
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Who cares about napkins?
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Will you lis...
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I care.
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The guys are
coming to play poker.
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They can wipe their
mouths on their money.
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Listen.
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You left your coat
on the icebox?
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Do you put your
hat in the bread box?
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I don't want to
discuss my wardrobe.
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I want to talk about girls.
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Please take your
coat off the icebox.
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Remember those two sexy
English girls that live upstairs,
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the Dove sis... The Pigeons.
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Pigeons! Are you ready?
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We have a date with them.
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No kidding.
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Yeah.
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Really?
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Yeah!
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Oh, I... I, I, I don't know.
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Ah, come on, Felix.
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Now, you promised we were
gonna dedicate this whole month
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to meeting new girls.
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I know, I know.
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I'd like to meet a nice girl,
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but it-it-it's just so
hard to date after...
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Felix, we've been
through all that.
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I know it's hard
after a divorce.
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What are you supposed to do?
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Sit around and get bitter?
39
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No! You have to
pursue every opportunity.
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And I'm telling you,
the Pigeon sisters
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are two of the best-built
opportunities in New York.
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I know, but
somehow I just keep...
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Please don't sit there.
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I just keep comparing
everybody to Gloria.
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Don't you compare
everybody to your ex-wife?
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Sure I do.
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And compared to Blanche,
everybody looks good.
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Felix, they're crazy about us.
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They think we're big
shots in the building.
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Yeah?
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Yeah, they know you're a
successful photographer.
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They know I'm a
big-time sportswriter.
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The doorman told them.
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That's very nice of Harry.
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What nice?
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I give him five bucks a month
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to tell every girl in
the building about us.
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That's pushy. It's pushy.
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Pushy is the way
it's done, Felix.
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It's custom.
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All over world,
man pursue woman.
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Except on a few
Polynesian islands
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and a couple of bars
in Greenwich village.
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Will you stop cooking?
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Tell me you're ready
to attack these two girls?
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Well... all right, I'm,
I'm ready to attack it.
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What do you mean by that?
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Because I asked them
to drop down tonight
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for some drinks after work.
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Tonight? Tonight's poker night.
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Well, it's their
only free night.
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I've been cooking for the
guys for the last 90 minutes.
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Hey, give it to the girls.
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It's poker food.
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Who cares?
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Oh, no, no, no, we can't,
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we just can't cancel the
game at this late hour.
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The guys come
directly from work.
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That's the beauty of it.
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We don't have to
cancel the whole game.
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We'll tell the guys
we have some dates
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and then we'll break
up the game early.
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See, the Pigeons
aren't coming till 10:30.
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No, we never quit
before midnight,
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you know that.
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Every Thursday night
for the past four years.
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The guys lie to their wives.
88
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They get baby-sitters,
they sneak out of work early.
89
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It's not a poker game
anymore, it's a way of life.
90
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Yeah, you're right, Felix.
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Can't ask them to
break up the game early.
92
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Course not.
93
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Have to trick them into
breaking up the game early.
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I wonder where Murray is.
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He's probably not coming.
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That's it, the game's off.
97
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Are you crazy?
98
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Does difference does it
make how many guys we got?
99
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You want bodies?
100
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,658
I'll grab two drunks
off the street.
101
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,882
Now, come on, let's play.
102
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How many want shredded
coconut on their rumaki?
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I came to play poker,
he's having a luau.
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Hurry up, will you, Felix?
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We don't have all night.
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You got my check, Roy?
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Yes, but there isn't much left
after your alimony payments.
108
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As your accountant,
I'm telling you
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you absolutely must cut down
on unnecessary expenses.
110
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You're right,
that's it, I can't play.
111
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I'll lend you some money.
112
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Thanks a lot.
113
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Here's the rumaki. Murray,
where have you been?
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We were worried about you.
115
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That's nice, somebody
worrying about a cop.
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Okay, sit down, Murray.
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Shredded coconut
on the side, fellas.
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Help yourselves.
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Deal with me standing up.
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Felix, these guys
are never gonna
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break up the game voluntarily.
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I hate to say I told you so...
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Yeah, but we got
to find an excuse
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or I'm going to be sick.
125
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Can I get you something?
126
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No, I mean I'll
pretend to be in pain.
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Maybe they'll go home.
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Will you sit down and
start playing poker?
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Fellas, use coasters
and use your napkins.
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That's all I ask.
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Here we go.
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Ante, ante, who's betting?
133
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What are you doing, Murray?
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Uh-huh, uh-huh.
135
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I open.
136
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What do you do, Oscar?
137
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Oscar's out. What do you, Roy?
138
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What time is it?
139
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Nine o'clock.
140
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That's an hour and
a half before 10:30!
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Felix, when do they pick up
the garbage for this building?
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Tuesday morning.
143
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Give them this hand.
144
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And this one, too.
145
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You always win, don't you?
146
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,561
Nature calls.
147
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:06,765
Murray, you're 38 years
old, why don't you just say
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00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,766
you have to go to the bathroom?
149
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,234
Use the new guest soap.
150
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,104
I was right, there's
a card missing.
151
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Throw out the deck.
152
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,107
You can't play with 51 cards.
153
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:16,108
Where is it?
154
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I don't know.
155
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We don't have another deck.
156
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We'll have to call the game off.
157
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Ah, that's awful.
158
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No-no-no.
159
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I'm 60 bucks down.
What card's missing?
160
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,817
Queen of hearts, I mean...
161
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,785
Here's a napkin,
make a queen of hearts.
162
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:28,864
Are you crazy?!
163
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,066
No, let Felix do it.
164
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He draws the best.
165
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Here, Felix. Thank you.
166
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,703
How are you going
to play with a napkin?
167
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Everybody'll know
it's the queen of hearts.
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00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,474
So? We'll all have the same
advantages and disadvantages.
169
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,675
You ought to be able to afford
more than one deck, Oscar.
170
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,933
Well, you're always telling
me to cut down expenses.
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00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:42,933
Draw, Felix.
172
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,980
Oh, look what Felix is doing.
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He's drawing
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a picture of a queen's face
175
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that looks like Grace Kelly.
176
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She's royalty.
177
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,910
I always liked her in
movies, she was neat.
178
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,614
I'd color the hearts in if
you'd give me a red pencil.
179
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,126
Oh, give me the napkin!
Here, deal, Oscar.
180
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,116
"Deal, Oscar."
181
00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,161
How do you shuffle a napkin?
182
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,730
You don't shuffle
it. You stuff it.
183
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,719
Now, deal!
184
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,789
I still think it's ridiculous.
185
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,857
What time is it?
186
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,091
Felix, that soap is nice.
187
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,259
Oh, "what time is it?"
188
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,862
Oscar, here's my watch.
It's brand new, 130 bucks.
189
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:11,862
It's yours.
190
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:13,776
Just never ask me
what time it is again.
191
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,744
Okay, come on,
let's play cards, huh?
192
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:16,734
You're light, Murray.
193
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:17,735
What do you do? Pass.
194
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,736
Felix? Pass.
195
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,737
Speed? Out!
196
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:20,738
What do you have, Murray?
197
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,907
A napkin with a
picture of Grace Kelly.
198
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,487
She's the queen of hearts.
199
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,055
I thought she was the
Princess of Monaco.
200
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,445
She is.
201
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,081
Look, will you stop asking
questions and play poker?
202
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,928
I went to the
bathroom. I come back.
203
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,785
He dealt me a napkin
with Grace Kelly's face.
204
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:36,265
Wouldn't you ask questions?
205
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,223
I'm out! Felix.
206
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,091
What are you complaining about?
207
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,826
You've got a pair of queens.
208
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,174
Oscar! I'll play the napkin.
209
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:45,430
I'm going to turn up the heat
210
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,065
and I'm gonna sweat
them out of here.
211
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,178
They'll know what we're doing.
212
00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:50,280
No, no, no, I'm gonna tell
'em that one of your allergies
213
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,015
is bothering you and
you have to have it warm.
214
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,216
I would like it warmer.
215
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,440
Yeah, they know
you're a hypochondriac.
216
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,276
They think I'm a hypochondriac?
217
00:07:58,312 --> 00:07:59,644
Makes me sick.
218
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:05,717
Are you in, Cochise?
219
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:06,918
How.
220
00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:08,264
What time is it, Vinnie?
221
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,598
I can't see. My
watch is fogged up.
222
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:11,834
So are my glasses.
I can't see the cards.
223
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:14,159
Are you sure you need it
this warm for your sinuses?
224
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,627
They're killing me.
225
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:19,930
All right! Who put the olive
pit on the queen of hearts?
226
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:22,366
Oh, pits, napkins,
heat... Who cares?
227
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:23,835
Get the game rolling.
228
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:24,836
Bet!
229
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:26,237
Now he puts it on the table.
230
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,816
That's worse. That's disgusting.
231
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:28,806
Murray.
232
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:29,807
I can't.
233
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,688
My arm's stuck to the table.
234
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:32,722
I'm turning off the heat.
235
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,757
This is no longer an
apartment, it's an incubator.
236
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:36,547
Roy, a man's health is at stake.
237
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:37,627
We got to think
of Felix, don't we?
238
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,317
The right thing to do, fellas,
239
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,464
is call off the game,
take back your ante.
240
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,233
All night long, you've
been asking what time it is
241
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,368
and trying to
call this game off.
242
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,357
What's with you?
243
00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:47,770
Nothing is with me.
I'm perfectly normal.
244
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:48,794
You're all complaining...
245
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:51,941
Aha, aha! That's probably
the fire department right now.
246
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,230
No, it's the sisters.
247
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:55,533
What sisters?
248
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:56,569
Sister... Mary
249
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:57,702
and Sister Catherine.
250
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,904
They've got a
church on the corner.
251
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:01,272
See, and I was going
252
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:03,141
to help them build a, b-ba, a...
253
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:03,742
Softball.
254
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:04,976
Softball league.
255
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,746
They're gonna come up and
borrow all my sports books, see.
256
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,592
Fellas, it's only take a minute.
257
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,326
Would you wait in the kitchen?
258
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,562
It's very important.
259
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,431
It's sacrilegious
to stay out here.
260
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,499
The sisters don't want to see...
261
00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:18,523
What do I say?
262
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,735
You take them in the bedroom.
263
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:21,070
I'll try to get rid of the guys.
264
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,060
The bedroom?
265
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,575
Yes, it's the only way
they won't see the guys.
266
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,067
Ladies!
267
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,501
Welcome to our humble abode.
268
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,638
Won't you step into the bedroom?
269
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:34,673
Oh.
270
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:35,773
Aren't we going to have
271
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,174
any drinks or anything?
272
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,242
You'll find out.
273
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:39,911
Girls, there's
been a little mix-up.
274
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,445
It'll only take a second.
275
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,459
We'll get everything cleared
up and we're gonna have...
276
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,715
Oh!
277
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,152
Are, are you girls nuns?
278
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,255
Well, hardly.
279
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,868
Eh, but we are nice girls.
280
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:55,593
I mean, we certainly
didn't expect six men
281
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:56,639
at this party.
282
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,096
Party? What party?
283
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,731
Fellas, we've got a...
284
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,177
You did say
285
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,378
come down at 10:30.
286
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,913
I'd like to introduce you
287
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,948
to some very dear
friends of ours.
288
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:08,350
This is Speed, Roy,
Vinnie and Murray.
289
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:09,340
Hello. Hello.
290
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:10,875
Gwendolyn and Cecily
291
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:12,943
Pigeon.
292
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,246
Are you a mysterious Arab sheik?
293
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,259
No, I'm a hot Jewish cop.
294
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,850
Oh!
295
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:20,930
Listen, girls, I have to talk
296
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,598
to the guys in the
kitchen for just a second
297
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,133
and everything will
be straightened out.
298
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,223
Just one second...
299
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:28,827
Help yourselves to the rumaki.
300
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:29,862
Oh, thank you.
301
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:30,907
What's rumaki?
302
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,463
I don't know.
303
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:34,243
Nobody's breaking up our game.
304
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,400
There's a code among
men: women come first.
305
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,780
That's the bachelor code.
306
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:38,870
The married code is
307
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,683
any night you get out, stay out.
308
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:41,672
Right, guys?
309
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:42,674
One night.
310
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:43,886
You saw the
bodies on those girls.
311
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:44,875
This is an emergency.
312
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:45,876
Wait, wait, wait.
313
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,156
There's only one
fair way to do this.
314
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,146
Let's take a vote.
315
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,115
Oh, no, I'm not
voting either way.
316
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,095
I'm neutral, just
like Switzerland.
317
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,463
You got all the money
like Switzerland, too.
318
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,187
Vote with Felix and
me, and I'll get you
319
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,622
tickets for the Super Bowl.
320
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,701
50-yard line?
321
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,103
I'll get you in the
huddle, you hear?
322
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,127
We're taking a vote.
323
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,139
All those in favor of
continuing the game say "aye".
324
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,129
Aye. Aye.
325
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,164
That's it? Neutral.
326
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,575
Three to two. That's
it the game's over.
327
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:07,698
Aye.
328
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:11,102
I what?
329
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:12,170
I, I think
330
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,016
we should let them
finish the game.
331
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,007
It's only fair.
332
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:17,853
We could take the
girls someplace else
333
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:19,889
and then come back
after they're finished.
334
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:20,879
That's it, we win.
335
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,625
Look, you guys come
back at midnight, huh?
336
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:23,649
Come on, Switzerland.
337
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:25,750
All right, whose deal?
338
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,121
Want some rumaki?
339
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,455
Shut up.
340
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,698
Oscar, the guys
love playing so much.
341
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,567
It isn't fair to throw them out.
342
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:43,568
It's their night.
343
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:44,569
You're mad.
344
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:45,614
Of course I'm mad.
345
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:48,773
I'm mad because
I know you're right.
346
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,419
But, Felix, what
are we gonna do?
347
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,388
There are two
gorgeous girls out there.
348
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,511
I saw them.
349
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,879
Don't you think
I'm a human being?
350
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,325
Keep going back and forth.
351
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,484
Why can't we take them
someplace and come back later?
352
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,953
I promise you, I'll
try to be a swinger.
353
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,421
Okay.
354
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:04,922
You take care of the cards.
355
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,524
I'll take care of the girls.
356
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,344
Girls, one of the poker players
357
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,246
has to go to the
hospital tomorrow,
358
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,014
maybe for a long time.
359
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,905
And his last request is
that he play a little longer.
360
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,374
Oh.
361
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,453
Oh, how sad.
362
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,477
Oh, I do hope he wins.
363
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:27,779
That's nice.
364
00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:30,247
We can go out, then
come back about midnight.
365
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,950
There's a little bar
down at the corner...
366
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,163
How about a film?
367
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,088
I love double features
with a cartoon.
368
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,423
I'm not much in the mood
369
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,423
for a movie.
370
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,703
You know what
might be a good idea?
371
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,671
We could go down to the
laundry room and do laundry.
372
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,130
Felix is a great kidder.
373
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,999
No, it's a good idea, I
need some clean things.
374
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,934
Well, if you've got
some time to kill,
375
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,302
it's a wonderful idea.
376
00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:53,115
That's a wonderful idea?
377
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,383
Yes, sounds smashing.
378
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:57,141
Listen, we'll pop upstairs
and get our things.
379
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,855
We'll meet you down there.
380
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,159
Ta-ta, ta-ta.
381
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,216
Laundry?
382
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:09,487
Hey, Oscar, where
are you taking the girls?
383
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,700
Felix is taking
them to do laundry.
384
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,624
What's Felix going to do?
385
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:16,194
Wash them before
he touches them?
386
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:22,900
On me.
387
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:24,469
Oh, thank you.
388
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:28,239
We could save a quarter if we
wash our white things together.
389
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:30,386
Oh, that sounds sexy.
390
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,276
We can dry them together.
391
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,044
Honestly.
392
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,146
Ho, ho, ho.
393
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,215
Santa Claus likes
good little girls.
394
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,883
Mr. Madison's not so fussy.
395
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,563
Are all those things yours?
396
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,787
I have a lots more, but
I didn't want to show off.
397
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:48,092
Do Oscar and I get to do
our white things together, too?
398
00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:50,895
Oscar doesn't have
any white things.
399
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:54,965
Mad at me?
400
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,801
We did have an hour to kill.
401
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,113
No, Felix, I'm not mad.
402
00:13:58,137 --> 00:13:59,570
This is the perfect place.
403
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,971
For what?
404
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,574
For a party.
405
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,411
In a dirty sock?
406
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,624
The alcohol kills the germs.
407
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:20,291
♪ Tiny bubbles in the wine... ♪
408
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:21,436
Oh, Felix.
409
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:24,762
You certainly
have a strong grip.
410
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:26,163
Comes from years of squeezing
411
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,519
nose and throat
sprays for his sinuses.
412
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,735
That's true.
413
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:38,676
♪ Tiny bubbles in the wine ♪
414
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:46,712
♪ And the feeling that
I'm gonna love you ♪
415
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:51,956
♪ Till the end of time... ♪
416
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,757
Ooh.
417
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,561
Ooh. Look, Oscar, the
ceiling needs painting.
418
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,529
Don't tell Felix.
419
00:14:58,565 --> 00:14:59,708
All right.
420
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:05,303
♪ And mostly, here's a toast ♪
421
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:11,008
♪ To you and me ♪
422
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:14,912
♪ Tiny bubbles ♪
423
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:20,551
♪ In the wine ♪
424
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,319
Sort of pretty, isn't it?
425
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:23,420
Blue waves.
426
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,489
Mmm.
427
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,158
Hmm, reminds me of Hawaii.
428
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:28,403
Have you been there?
429
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:29,527
Oh, yes.
430
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,529
Did you love it?
431
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,097
I caught cold there.
432
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,266
Trade winds, you know.
433
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:42,606
♪ ...with a feeling that
I'm going to love you ♪
434
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,141
♪ Till the end of time. ♪
435
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,177
Hello.
436
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,712
Oh, Cecily, it's another raid.
437
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,392
Don't give them
your proper name.
438
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:50,381
It's Murray.
439
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,382
Hi, hi, hi.
440
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,162
I just came down to tell you
441
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,630
that we're all
feeling pretty bad
442
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,254
about kicking you out of your
place, so we took a new vote
443
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,967
and you can have
your apartment back.
444
00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:00,190
Oh, that's wonderful.
445
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:01,391
Nice.
446
00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:03,005
Oh, Murray, that's great.
447
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:05,373
Come on, girls,
the party's moving.
448
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:07,031
Let's go, let's go.
449
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,539
A good time to forget
450
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,307
about unpainted
ceilings and dirty socks.
451
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:17,986
It's sweet of your friends to
give you back your apartment.
452
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:20,555
They're really a
great bunch of...
453
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:23,347
I just wanted to
tell you I voted no.
454
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:35,526
Goodness. Is he always so angry?
455
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:36,860
Yeah, when he loses.
456
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,096
Last week, he
ate a pair of sixes.
457
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,798
Okay, sit, sit, sit, sit.
458
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,768
Oscar, remember, we still have
laundry down there in the dryer.
459
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,870
It's the uppermost
thought in my mind.
460
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,906
And now, my little
pigeons, it's time to coo.
461
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,275
We forget about poker.
We forget about the laundry.
462
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:52,876
This is the time
to finish our wine
463
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:55,379
and let our minds
drift to thoughts of love.
464
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,281
If they don't drift fast enough,
465
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,617
we have some scotch
here and some vodka
466
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:00,817
to help them along.
467
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,987
There you go, my
darling, and here.
468
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,289
Felix, come sit on
the couch, will you?
469
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:08,492
I've told the guys a hundred
times, use their coasters.
470
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:09,827
Rings, rings, rings!
471
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,329
Here, let me help.
472
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,697
No, sit. There isn't
that much to clean.
473
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:14,999
Felix!
474
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,635
If you have to clean, why
don't you clean in the kitchen?
475
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,770
You know, the kitchen...
It's in the other room.
476
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:21,539
Because the kitchen isn't dirty.
477
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,719
Well, I think they
want to be alone.
478
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,209
Cecily, I love you.
479
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:27,444
Gwendolyn, where have you
480
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:29,080
been all my life?
481
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:30,392
Hmm.
482
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,951
Well, we lived in
Brighton till I was 11
483
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:36,454
and then we moved to London.
484
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,227
Felix!
485
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:45,729
What are you doing?
486
00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:47,776
There are ashes working their
way into the nap of the carpet.
487
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,401
My fist is gonna work its
way into the nap of your neck
488
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:51,769
if you don't stop cleaning!
489
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:52,804
Let me have a go.
490
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,349
I'll finish, I'll finish.
491
00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:55,606
Thank you, Gwen.
492
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:56,819
You're welcome.
493
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,753
Well, Cecily's doing the dishes.
494
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:05,082
I finally have a
minute to sit down.
495
00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:06,149
Felix.
496
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:08,051
Come with me.
497
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,821
I want to talk to you.
498
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,556
Right now!
499
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,126
Gwen?
500
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,172
Nice job, Gwen.
501
00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:18,662
Thank you.
502
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:21,766
Look at your room, Oscar.
503
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,279
Where'd you get
all the laundry to do?
504
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,702
Everything you
own is on the floor.
505
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,482
These are my summer clothes.
506
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,549
Sit down, Felix.
507
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:28,773
Where?
508
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:29,918
Under there somewhere's a chair.
509
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:30,908
Feel around!
510
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,209
I'll stand.
511
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:33,210
Would you do me a favor?
512
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:34,211
What?
513
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:35,357
For my birthday, let
me clean up in here.
514
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:36,381
No.
515
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,856
At least let me
empty this big ash...
516
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,850
That's my jewelry box!
517
00:18:39,885 --> 00:18:42,197
I like my room the way it is.
518
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:45,423
In my room, you
could eat off the floor.
519
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,703
You can eat off
the floor in my room.
520
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,070
There's some crackers over there
521
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:51,006
and, and here's a half
a tuna fish sandwich.
522
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,363
Why don't you eat it?
523
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,998
Felix, I didn't come
here to discuss my room.
524
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:58,569
In the living room
are two gorgeous girls.
525
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,004
Two female sexy animals.
526
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,205
And what are they doing?
527
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,940
They're cleaning
and they're tidying up.
528
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,443
I could get a
60-year-old lady to do it
529
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,210
for two dollars an hour!
530
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,414
We'll be right with you, girls.
531
00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:12,383
Take your time.
532
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,887
Felix, I've had it with you.
533
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,432
We're going to have
it out once and for all.
534
00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:19,790
For starters, stay
out of my bathroom.
535
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,926
You know that fancy soap you
hung on a rope in my shower?
536
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:25,362
With water in my eyes,
I went to wash my neck,
537
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:26,530
I almost hung myself!
538
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:29,533
When I moved in here,
your bathroom was filthy.
539
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,936
It would have been
condemned by most gas stations.
540
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,837
I like filthy.
541
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,084
What I hate is you
and your habits.
542
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,220
I cringe every time
you empty your pockets.
543
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:40,289
You put your change
in neat little piles.
544
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,612
I'm not crazy about the fact
545
00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:43,725
you have shoe trees in
your bedroom slippers.
546
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:45,727
And I'm not exactly
choked up about the fact
547
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,596
that you hang your
underwear on hangers.
548
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,565
Felix, I took you
into my apartment
549
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,055
because I thought we
could have some laughs.
550
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:53,935
But your idea of a fun evening
551
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,504
is defrosting the icebox.
552
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,239
Now you've ruined
another evening
553
00:19:57,263 --> 00:20:00,108
with your tidying and your
cleaning and your fussying.
554
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,165
Are you finished?
555
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,599
I don't know.
556
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,670
How's it coming, girls?
557
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,146
Take your time!
558
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,843
Shall I proceed?
559
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,177
Go ahead.
560
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,547
It's true that you
took me in here.
561
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:18,649
It's also true that when I came,
562
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:20,017
you were huddled in the kitchen
563
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,064
eating gray spaghetti
with a pair of tweezers.
564
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:24,188
You think it's easy
living with you?
565
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,123
Look around this room.
566
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:28,925
Looks like somebody
blew up the Salvation Army.
567
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,762
Your closet is a slum.
568
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:34,298
Your clothes look
as if they're wrestling.
569
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,179
You put out your
cigarettes in your coffee.
570
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,303
Look at this.
571
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,149
There's a little
baby logjam in there.
572
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,784
Did you ever look
under your bed?
573
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,186
There's stuff
growing under there.
574
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:45,509
You stop exaggerating.
575
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:46,810
That's a little dust.
576
00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:49,580
Lawrence of Arabia couldn't
make it through such dust.
577
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:51,048
I'm giving you fair warning.
578
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,749
If you don't let me
clean up in here,
579
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:54,785
I'm going to pack my
things and I'm leaving.
580
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,721
Now hear this!
581
00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,190
Never mind my bedroom.
582
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:01,670
You better get out
in the living room.
583
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:04,005
Because I swear,
Felix, if one of those girls
584
00:21:04,029 --> 00:21:06,141
isn't hugging and
kissing me passionately
585
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,464
in the next five minutes,
586
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,533
I'm throwing you out!
587
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,526
Well, everything's
settled, girls.
588
00:21:17,242 --> 00:21:18,386
Why don't you grab one of them
589
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:19,654
and hug and kiss
her passionately?
590
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,389
You've only got four
and a half minutes left.
591
00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:23,847
It's a figure of speech, Felix.
592
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,249
It's a very sweet idea, Felix,
593
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,184
but I really think we
ought to be going.
594
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:28,330
Listen, the party's
just starting.
595
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:29,753
No, well, we're a bit tired
596
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:30,932
because we did all the cleaning.
597
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,300
And we've got to
pick up the laundry
598
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:33,502
and get up early in the morning.
599
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,870
Oscar, it's been a
smashing evening.
600
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:36,059
And different.
601
00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:37,260
Ta-ta.
602
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,729
Ta-ta, Felix.
603
00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:41,298
Ta-ta!
604
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,770
Ta-ta.
605
00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:49,139
Don't talk, Felix.
606
00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:50,419
Just don't talk.
607
00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:53,477
I'm serious, Felix!
608
00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:55,357
The only word I want
to hear out of you
609
00:21:55,381 --> 00:21:56,624
from now on is "good-bye."
610
00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:58,860
And that's the word you'll
be saying tomorrow morning
611
00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:01,244
when you and your belongings
are going out the door.
612
00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:11,748
I'm going to pack.
613
00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:32,282
I'm a silly man.
614
00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:39,423
Anybody who hangs his underwear
on coat hangers is a silly man.
615
00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:43,994
I belong in a slob hall of fame.
616
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:45,629
I've always been sloppy.
617
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:50,233
My mother says I used to throw
my diapers all over the floor.
618
00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:51,802
I'm a rotten person.
619
00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:53,537
On my fifth birthday,
620
00:22:53,572 --> 00:22:56,206
my mother asked
me what I wanted.
621
00:22:56,242 --> 00:22:59,476
I said a wastepaper basket.
622
00:22:59,511 --> 00:23:04,481
I'll leave as soon
as I finish this wine.
623
00:23:04,516 --> 00:23:08,452
Felix, it's not your
fault the girls left.
624
00:23:08,487 --> 00:23:10,020
I'm too pushy.
625
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,355
I'd scare off Ma Barker.
626
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,157
No, you're not.
627
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:15,960
It's that I'm too shy.
628
00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:16,961
In high school,
629
00:23:16,996 --> 00:23:18,373
the only girl I ever
asked to a dance
630
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:19,964
was my sister.
631
00:23:19,999 --> 00:23:21,865
You're lucky you had a sister.
632
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:24,068
She was ten years old.
633
00:23:24,103 --> 00:23:27,549
The only thing she
enjoyed was the balloons.
634
00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:29,573
Felix.
635
00:23:29,608 --> 00:23:32,843
Felix...
636
00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:34,178
maybe if we stay together,
637
00:23:34,213 --> 00:23:36,024
we could help each
other's problems.
638
00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:38,482
Well, failed as husbands.
639
00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:40,851
I certainly don't want
to fail as a friend.
640
00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:42,519
You're absolutely right.
641
00:23:42,554 --> 00:23:44,654
Felix, we're staying together.
642
00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:47,658
Oscar... tomorrow
morning, before I go to work,
643
00:23:47,693 --> 00:23:51,061
I'm going to get us fixed
up with a couple of girls.
644
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:53,963
To us!
645
00:23:53,999 --> 00:23:55,265
And the girls.
646
00:23:56,469 --> 00:23:57,867
Hmm.
647
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,369
Watch me.
648
00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:03,073
I can't...
649
00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:04,808
Try it, Felix! Go ahead!
650
00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:28,632
Good night, Felix.
651
00:24:28,667 --> 00:24:30,533
Good night, Oscar.
652
00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:31,701
Oh, Felix?
653
00:24:31,737 --> 00:24:32,702
Yeah?
654
00:24:32,738 --> 00:24:34,704
You can clean my room tomorrow.
655
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:42,946
God bless you, Oscar.